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I have been friends for over two decades, who has faced and conquered several challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been repeatedly blindsided in relationships. Her partner walked away, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of her social circle drifted away at that point, since they had been drawn to him. It shocked her. She made more effort to be my friend, probably understood better the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

Throughout this period, many in her circle have disappeared and she isn't knowing the cause. Her last employer turned on her, even though she had been very skilled at her work, and she left without knowing why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending time together, but I am finding my role between us is to listen. I introduce discussion points and she changes the talk toward things she cares about. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. I try to propose double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been arranging a vacation to a country I've visited many times and lived in for a while. My intention was to share personal experiences, but this was unappreciated. She really just desired my agreement with her decisions. I've just returned from a month in that place and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to be a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, but I don't think she will ever understand the consequences of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, my state is pulling back. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to cut and run, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of resolution takes courage and willingness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. It should be based on facts and essentially exactly what occurs. Next is to express how this leaves you feeling. There should be no dispute on this point. Your feelings are your feelings, after all. Finally involves requesting how the two of you can shift the interaction between you."

Consider that she also has a point of view, thus requiring you to stay open to listen to her. A helpful technique involves stating her:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for a set time."

It's remarkably successful in fostering mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

This person might reject all you say, for those who hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story about themselves they're unable to release as it feels essential relies on it being the only thing they trust. This poses a challenge because there's no easy route with these people, just dead ends. But she may start out defensively and then think about what you've said. And should you don't achieve an agreement, you'll have satisfaction that you've been honest with her.