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This year represents a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, seeking a significant other has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a detailed breakdown to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reaction is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes partners who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal habits signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits validate your decision to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that immediately extinguish any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {