Evening Hosts Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

TV's prominent entertainers spent the airtime criticizing former President Donald Trump's just announced visa initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-for-access system for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... ruins each thing he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the new initiative which enables foreign citizens to acquire U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "premium" version for $5 million. A government website guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note here to rich foreigners: before you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the program is also designed to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people completely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit rich overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll numbers during financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to address prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.